Monday, May 25, 2009

My Right to Deny Your Right

I reserve the right to attack my neighbor, who glared at me yesterday while I was oiling the barrel of my machine gun, which I only keep for self-defense. Anyway, it's not my machine gun; it was a gift from a superpower friend of my Aunt Nellie. I also reserve the right to accept any further gifts Aunt Nellie's superpower friend cares to offer me. And given the fact that my neighbor glared at me, it is obvious that my neighbor is unbalanced and might try to punch me at any moment, so I reserve the right to demand more machine guns from my superpower friend.

Come to think of it, my neighbor is bigger than me, so I reserve the right to demand that my superpower friend go kick down my neighbor's door and punch him in the nose before he gets the idea of jumping over the fence and punching me. Everyone has the right to defend themselves; everyone has the right to get their friends to defend them. Only an idiot waits for trouble. The fact that my neighbor glared at me proves his evil intent. As my wise old grandfather used to say, "Boy, take care of yourself. Folks will be out to get you. Don't let them. You are the salt of the earth, the apple of my eye. Take care of Number One: you are the chosen one."