Just an Average Girl...and That's the Problem

Aw, shucks, I’m just as qualified as anyone to be vice president. After all, I’m just like you. I’m a workin’, moose-guttin’ mother and not only that a mother of a special needs child, and we all know that only special women are selected to be the mothers of special needs children…that’s why they are called special. So, I’m just like all of you…only special. We all like killin’ wolves; I just like doin’ it from helicopters, flyin’ them helicopters and shootin’ them wolves: a pro-American American havin’ good old American fun. And we Americans all like decent clothes. It’s just that I’m special so I need $150,000 of your contributions to my campaign to pay for my clothes. Do you hear what I’m sayin’? “Contributions to MY campaign…so they’re my contributions.” All pro-American Americans understand that a woman who is goin’ to be president…ah, vice-president is goin’ to have to dress decent…and have decent lookin’ hair. What’s wrong with usin’ 15,000 dollars a month of your pro-American contributions to keep me lookin’ good? I mean, that’s why I’m here, isn’t it?